It's Called любовь!
by Warwulf
Summary: Title: It's Called Love. Russia has trouble talking to people, especially his Matvey, aka Canada. Canada thinks he likes Russia back, but he's creeped out too. France...well...France decides to teach la Russie and Mathieu all about l'amour! -crap summary please just read it.
1. Intro

**AN: Well then...this is what happens when you leave me by myself at home with nothing to do. I get bored so here you go.**

**Disclaimer: I do not ow Hetalia... TAT**

**Rated T for: France and some other stuff and yaoi (Nothing above T I swear! Most could be K+ actually.)**

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To say Russia had a small crush on the quiet nation of Canada was like saying vodka was just a drink. The liked that the other nation was so quiet and shy; it was so cute. There was one problem though… Russia did not possess good conversation skills...or "social" skills.

"Ah, hello, comrade Canada!" Russia greeted.

"Oh..h-hi…Russia." Canada stuttered.

Russia couldn't help but think his stutter was adorable. He reminded him of Latvia but stronger and tougher.

"So…how have you been?" Canada asked.

"Good." Russia said. "I could see you from my house so I watched you for a while yesterday."

"…eh?"

"Da. I watched you for two hours."

"EH?!"

Canada was officially creeped out. Completely and utterly and totally CREEPED OUT. Russia was watching him…from his house… Oh sweet mother of maple syrup… Russia was planning to make him "become one with Mother Russia" wasn't he?

_ 'Well it doesn't sound that bad…'_ Canada thought. _'Wait, what?'_

"M-maple…"

"Oh! Sorry, I meant that I like to be seeing comrade Canada, da?"

"Um…th-that's good I guess… I like seeing you too(?)"

_'AH! I sound like Belarus!_' Russia panicked. _'Say something else!'_

"You are very quiet, da? Like little mouse."

"Um…what?"

"Sorry! I am not meaning you are small and weak. You are just very quiet, da?"

Canada sighed. Yet another nation was commenting on his invisibility. Worse, it was the country he had started to become friends, "comrades", with.

_'Maybe even more than friends…'_ The little voice in Canada's head said. He blushed ever-so-slightly and told it to shut up.

"Kolkolkol…Stupid!"

Canada sighed dejectedly. "I-If you think so…" He faded away.

"Wait! I didn't mean…" Russia walked out of the room "kolkolkol"-ing to everyone he walked by.

France suppressed his laughter. He had seen the entire thing and it was oh-so-sad. The poor _Russie_ couldn't even talk to Mathieu. Well…honestly, he couldn't talk to anyone without creeping them out. Ah, he knew nothing of_ l'amour._

Though France wasn't too thrilled that the object of the ice cold nation's affections was his little Mathieu, he would help him because, obviously, the shy country liked him back. It was all over his face. And it was the country of LOVE's duty to bring people together to ************* and ******** (Author translation: repopulate the world to ensure the future of humankind. Yeah...that's a good way to put it...)

That was it! His new mission: Teach l'amour to Russia and Canadia!...er…Canada…

"Ohonhonhonhon~"

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**AN: What do you think? Please review! Reviews make me happy and when I'm happy, people get to continue living! I mean...reviews make me happy...yay.**


	2. Papa France Takes Action!

**AN: Here's chapter to since I actualy have some followers and a review! Yay for updates, da?**

**Rated T for: mind language, FRANCE, and...I think that's it for this chapter.**

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France mustered up his courage and tapped the large country's shoulder.

"Kolkolkol…"

"Not ze face! I mean…" France said, composing himself. "I saw you and mon Mathieu earlier. I must say you 'ave good taste, Russie. Mathieu 'as sexy 'air like mine after all."

"Kolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkol…"

"Remember what I said about not ze face?" France gulped, eyeing the pipe him Russia's hand nervously. "I want to 'elp you. Never 'ave I seen anyone fail zat 'orribly… I mean you did great!"

"Da. Get on with it." Russia said, choosing to ignore that last part. "How can you help?"

"I can show you 'ow to speak ze language of l'amour!" France said, sparkles flying everywhere.

Russia had an "I'm going to kill you" kind of expression as some sparkles flew into his face.

"You are meaning you can teach me how to make Canada become one with Russia, da?" Russia smiled, blissfully unaware of how that sounded to France.

"Ohonhonhon- No." France put on his serious face. "Mathieu iz my son. You are not forcing 'im to do anyzing 'e does not want to do, oui? Or else papa France iz going to shove a rose up your-"

"Kolkolkol…" Russia threatened, successfully shutting the other nation up. Though he didn't know why France was suddenly so serious. "So you are to be teaching me to talk to Matvey, da?"

"Oui." France smirked, his serious moment dying. "And more."

"What do you want in return?" Russia asked skeptically.

"Nozhing!" France le gasped. "…maybe pictures…but really nozhing. I just want mon Mathieu to be 'appy. You're first lesson iz now!"

"Hm?"

France grabbed the taller nation's arm and they disappeared in a cloud of rose petals and sparkles, much to Russia's dismay.

It was just then that England walked by and noticed the leftover rose petals.

"The Frog." He scowled. "I wonder what he's up to."

"ENGLAND!" Said nation turned towards the speeding chubby country.

"What is it, git?"

"The commie bastard is going to kidnap Mattie!" America shouted. "I heard it all!...well...some of it. Come on Iggy! We have to kidnap Matt first! For his own safety!"

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**AN: Oh America and your nonexistent logic. Anyway, please review so I do not beat you to a pulp! I mean...please review to..um..not die(?)**


	3. Lesson One

**AN: One more update before 2012 ends! Happy New Year people (and countries!). Hope 2013 treats ya well...for the most part. Here's chapter 3 for you!**

**Note: If I make any mistakes in the other languages like French and Russian in this story, please feel free to PM me and give me the correct translation. All I have is Google Translate and my friend's French book as resources. Curse me only knowing how to speak two languages!**

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"First of all, no zreatening people!" France said to the country sitting in front of him.

Russia tried his best not to stand and strangle the other nation, who was a little too close for comfort.

"I have a question." Russia said. "If you are to be teaching me, then why are we in supply closet?"

"None of your concern." France snapped. "L'amour is serious business, oui?"

"Da." Russia admitted.

If this guy was willing to help him talk to Matvey, then he would just have to put up with him until he couldn't any longer and France went…missing. France was very close to Matvey after all.

"Now pretend I am Mathieu." France said. "Say 'ello.

"Da." Russia put on a determined face. "привет, comrade Matvey! Become one with Russia?"

"Non!" France gasped. "You are worse zen I zought! Do not start wiz zat!"

"Then what am I supposed to say?" Russia asked.

As France began explaining, Russia truly, truly wished he hadn't asked.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

"Okay, America, explain this to me again?" England asked, sighing at the other nation's stupidity.

"Okay! So me, the hero, is going to grab Matt and shove him in this burlap sack." America said. "Then, you are going to come in and cover me as I drag him away."

"I don't think that is going to help him." England sweatdropped.

"Aw, but if I don't, the commie's gonna kidnap him and infect him with commie disease."

"There is no such thing as 'commie disease' and…um…Mathew can take care of himself." England snapped.

America pouted.

"Don't give me that look!" England said. "I'm not helping you kidnap your brother!"

"H-hi guys…"

They turned. It was Canada.

"Wh-what was that about kidnapping me?" Canada asked.

"No! We weren't talking about you, we were talking about my other brother!" America said.

"I…I'm your only brother, Al." Canada sighed. Why was everyone suddenly being mean to him?

Awkward silence.

"Well…um…I'll just be leaving." England said. "Flying mint bunny needs to be fed."

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

"Got it?" France asked.

"Da." Russia answered. "Do not threaten, do not kol at people, do not talk to self, do not beat anyone."

"And?"

"Do not creep Matvey out."

"Magnifique!" France exclaimed. "After only one lesson you are doing well."

Russia smiled, working very hard at his un-creepy smile. (Which made it even creepier to France, but it was still a good effort.) "I will go find Matvey now, da?"

"Go get 'im!" France called after him. "Le sigh. I am such a good teacher, I know everyzing about love."

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**AN: Please leave reviews! Reviews make me happy. Yes! I got that one right without sayi- shut up, Warwulf, before you make a fool of yourself. Sigh. Anyway, Happy New Year!**


	4. The French Language---kinda

**AN: Sorry! I've had some stuff to do and I almost forgot about this fanfic! Anyways...**

**To Karasu Kagami- You might be kind of surprised at what I have planned for the kidnapping thing. I'm not going to write it the same as everyone else. ;)**

**AN: Okay then, onward with this teeny tiny little chapter...**

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Canada walked down the street on his way to the coffee shop. Today was just a weird day for him.

"Who?" The little white bear in his arms said sleepily.

"Canada." He sighed.

First, Russia had noticed him, which he liked, and then he admitted to stalking him, which was creepy. Then he overheard America and England discussing plans to KIDNAP him. Who kidnaps their brother?! You don't see him going "Oh look, today's a nice day for abducting Alfred" now do you?

"Who likes vodka-breath." Kumajiji stated.

"What? N-no!" Canada felt his face turn pink, and not because of the cold.

"Vodka-breath likes who too." Kumanaki yawned.

"How do you know?" Canada asked.

"I'm a bear." Kumataki said as if it was obvious. "Animals know these things."

Canada was just about to tell the bear not to tell anyone when he spotted the only country that was larger than his walking down the street, his people running for cover. The look on Russia's face suggested that someone had really annoyed him (though that wasn't Russia intended).

"Hello, comrade!" Russia smiled.

Canada flinched. "Hi Russia."

_'Maple!'_ Canada thought.

"You're country is very nice, da?" Russia said, trying to remember what France had taught him: Do not creep Matvey out.

"Thanks." Canada said.

_'Yay!' _Russia thought. _'Now I say what France told me to, da?'_

"We will d-devenu l'un, da?" Russia said, his French broken and heavily accented.

After that, Russia said something else in French (very,very, very broken accented French, I might add), which made Canada turn beet red and start choking on air. Did he even know what he was saying?!

"Ah! Is comrade alright?!"

"Um…d-do you know what that even means?!" Canada asked, hoping he didn't…well…half hoping.

"Da. It means you will be Russia's friend, da?" Russia said, completely unaware of just how _bad_ the words were.

Canada sighed in relief. "Um…did France teach you that?"

"Da." Russia smiled.

Canada sweatdropped. Leave it to his papa to teach others "bad" language in French. He stood on his tiptoes and whispered the actual translation in Russia's ear. Russia turned red as well and buried his face in his scarf, not looking the shorter nation in the eye.

"Я собираюсь убить Франции." Russia muttered. "Sorry, comrade."

Russia really didn't know if he truly wanted to take the words back though…

"It's okay…papa can be…"

"Dead." Russia said. "France will be dead."

"What?! No!" Canada cried. "He doesn't deserv-"

"I am only joking, comrade." Russia smiled.

"Oh." Canada sighed in relief. "Oh…"

_'Does he really think I am that cruel?' _Russia asked himself. _'I guess I am…'_

"I will be seeing you later, comrade." Russia hurried away to avoid further embarrassment.

"Wait, Russia!" But he was already gone.

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**AN: Heh. Sorry that was so short. I've just been getting some writer's block and I've had a lot of homework, so...yeah. Please review! Reviews are food for authors even through we don't eat them! Wait...what?**


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